Recently a young woman wrote to me to tell me that her boyfriend has broken up with her and that she cannot live without him and therefore wants to remain friends with him. It was her way of staying in touch with him, i.e. stay close by, even if a love relationship was no longer possible.
Naturally I advised her against it! Why?
- It is always very painful to keep up a friendship if you had an intimate relationship beforehand. Furthermore, in such cases you have to expect that your ex will have a new partner and who wants to see that? You will imagine your ex being intimate with their new partner and that is very painful.
- If you want to win back your ex, a friendship is absolutely counterproductive. Friendship is not love and therefore one tends to lower one’s own expectations. Any remnants of love which might still be there will be killed off instantly!
- If you are still clinging to your partner with one-sided feelings of love, then a friendship will close off the way to a new romantic attachment.
There are only two options: Either you completely erase any memory of your ex, or you get him/her back with the method recommended here! Anything else will mean months or years of your life without happiness.
On the other hand, you will definitely offer your ex the wish to remain friends. However, this is only part of the tactic to win back your ex. Offering friendship will generate a willingness to talk in the other person. And without a willingness to talk, you will fail totally to win back your ex.
Get ex back with “friend with benefits”
Often one partner suggests a “friend with benefits” arrangement. What does that mean? Each partner is free, i.e. there is no fixed sexual commitment and the relationship is based on a friendship without deep emotional connection. In addition, there is an exchange of intimacies between the friends without the sexual relationship being exclusive. This means that both partners are free to also have sex with other people. It is a friendship which is supplemented by a purely physical, sexual relationship. You could also call it a favor of love among friends.
How should one evaluate this “friend with benefits” arrangement within the “ex back” context?
If you had a genuine, complete love relationship beforehand, “friend with benefits” can be very painful for one of the partners. But “get ex back with friend with benefits” can work, as there is a fine line to “real” love. However, you should never forget that it will generate painful feelings if you still love someone and your ex is now only your friend with whom you also have sex. It means that your friend will also be able to have sex with other people but won’t have to be accountable to you for that.
On the other hand, there is no room for any possessive mentality in such a relationship. If one of the partners was previously very possessive in the relationship, an arrangement like “friend with benefits” might re-adjust the possessiveness down to a healthy level.
Naturally, after a certain time the sexual relationship should become exclusive again and should lead to choosing one partner. Until this happens, however, one’s own love might also die if one cannot handle the possibility of having to share the ex. And then you have lost your ex completely.
Therefore “friend with benefits” is not for everyone. You have to be fully aware of the disadvantages before you enter into such a complex relationship. Furthermore, you should immediately break off this type of relationship completely if the pain in your own soul becomes too great, i.e. you should never torture yourself with it. Such a “friend with benefits” arrangement can always only be sustained for a limited time. Everybody who embarks on this sort of adventure should be fully aware of this.
“Get ex back with friendship” therefore can work, but should always be implemented with a lot of thought. In particular “friend with benefits”, because it can really damage your own soul if you keep up this type of relationship for too long.
Wikipedia reference to “Friend with benefits“
Wikipedia reference to “Get ex back with friendship“